happiness unknown...

i don't know what to do now...
i decision... a single decision...
i don't understand it at all...
i don't know what to do anymore...
everything changed in just one moment...
one single moment that may not have been understood...
i don't know what to do at all anymore...
everything is different, but still the same...
sometimes it feels like it's the way it was meant...
but i don't know...
i don't believe that...
i think it was right before...
so much change... why now?
why was the change needed?
everything was perfect...
i don't know what to do now...
if a single moment in time
can change my life forever...
take away everything with meaning...
then what's the point... why bother?
i don't understand it... it's dumb...
it's stupid... why don't i understand...
am i that dumb? am i that stupid?
everything changed... and i still think it's there...
everything is gone and i can't accept it...
i don't know why... i don't know why i feel that...
it doesn't' matter... i should be able to be ok...
i should be able to move on like nothing happened...
i should be able to just continue without hurt...
why did it have to be this way?
why must i continue this road of penance?
listen to me when i'm talking to you...
you think you can control the fates of all life??
you're wrong... you've got to let it go...
you've got to understand...
you can't take everything from someone...
you can't just sit there and take it from them...
i don't know what to do anymore...
so i sit... and so i wait...
i don't know why, or for what...
i guess it doesn't matter...
when it gets here i'll know...
her decision, not mine...
i respect her choice...
but i don't understand...
and you, why did you show me this?
why did you show me her to take her from me?
why did i look in the first place...
why did i care...
why couldn't i have just left it be...
now it's over...
i don't understand why...
maybe it doesn't matter...
maybe it's better i don't understand...
maybe it's better that i suffer each moment to the fullest...
questioning everything and not letting myself passed...
maybe... i don't know...
she must know... she must understand...
so i suffer each moment...
because that must be the right thing to do...
i don't understand...
but she does...
and she must be right...
penance paid?
has penance passed?
is it done yet?
must i continue to suffer?
...